Freedom in the Hills of New Hampshire

Like many people, when we first found out I was pregnant, Lasse was 100% against changing diapers, especially poopy ones. I told him he’d get used to it–it was just part of being a parent. But this wasn’t good enough for him, so instead of just accepting it he started looking online for ways to get out of it and found the Diaper Free Baby website and a whole new world opened up. He sent it to me and suggested we try it.

Basically the idea stems from the fact that 75% of the world does not use diapers. They’re too poor to afford them. In order to keep themselves and their surroundings clean, mothers learn to anticipant their babies’ need to go and have them go in a designated bowl or potty area. Indeed, up until the 1940s and 1950s, elimination communication was fairly standard in the US and childrearing books of the day discuss how to potty train your infant as cloth diapers. Then the washing machine came along and made things a lot easier. After that we got disposibles and we find ourselves where we are today: with 3, 4, and even the occasional 5 year-olds still in diapers. Pediatricians argue that babies are incapable of controlling their bladder and sphincter until they’re 18 months old and therefore anything but diapers would be ludicrous.

Unfortunately, the rest of the world disagrees. The author of the book we got on this topic, “Natural Infant Hygiene” lists examples from around the world describing how it’s done. The example I found the most amusing was that of an American touring a Chinese day care and finding a row of 1-year olds sitting on potties. Another funny example was that of an American teacher in Taiwan who was whistling during class until a student came up to him and asked him to stop—it made the kids in the class feel like they had to pee (Taiwanese favor making a whistling sound to get their babies to eliminate on cue). So basically it works. It’s just that it takes a little more effort than the average dual-income American family has to spend on it, at least in the beginning. Additionally, the book asserts that by 6 months old babies are more or less trained to potty in their diapers and starting after that time may prove difficult as they may have lost their ability to tell when they’re going all together.

So how does it work? We started when Haakon was a week old. We intended to start from birth, but dropped that idea in favor of getting used to having him around, learning how to breastfeed, and general recovery. The first time he went was when I looked at him and thought he might need to go, so I took to the potty, made a “pssst” sound and he went very shortly thereafter. I proudly took him into the living room to tell Lasse and dammit if he didn’t start peeing again. We quickly put him over an ad that lay on the floor until he was done. Our skepticism ended at that point. After that, we spent a few days observing him to see when he went and what times, what he did when he went. For these days we either kept him out of diapers or in a fitted or prefold without a cover so we would know exactly when he went. At first it was quite difficult. Young babies go pretty much all the time–their bladders aren’t big enough to hold it. But we quickly noticed he tended to pee every 50 minutes and poo roughly as much. We also noticed he would fuss a bit before each time, giving us a minute or so to get him to the potty before he would go.

In the beginning we considered a good day a day when we caught one or two pees or poos. Sometimes we caught more, and sometimes less. What we also have to reckon with is the fact that he very often changes his cues. For a while he started fussing only after he went. Then he stopped it all together and we had to take him based on timing alone. Then he started getting squirmy. Then I noticed he would go while I was feeding him and realized he often beat his arm against my chest and would bounce on and off the boob. I’d take him, he’d potty and we’d go back and finish eating.

At 11 weeks old, I think we’ve finally reached a point where he *gets* it. We haven’t had a poopy diaper in 5 days–our longest stretch yet–and we’ve only missed two pees a day in the last two days. We don’t EC at night because I value my sleep too much nor when we go out (typically), but when he gets older these things will come naturally.

Some of the more useful things we’ve learned while doing this is that if you plan to start, try during one of the times that you’re guaranteed to catch something, such as when he wakes up from a nap. Also, if he fusses, the first thing you should do is try pottying him. If he needs to be comforted, fed, whatever, all this can wait but if he needs to go, he needs to go now. Our first nearly perfect day (when we missed only one or two) happened after we got this tip.

However, EC-ing tends to be two steps forward, one step backwards a lot of the time. Babies are easily distracted. If they’ve just discovered their hands and are enjoying them or just learned to crawl, letting you know they have to potty is going to take a backseat to that discovery. But it doesn’t matter–you’re the adult, you can still offer them the potty a few times a day just to remind them. Also, the key word is “communication,” not training. You’re learning how to understand your baby’s cue and your baby inturn, learns that when you say “pssst” or whatever sound you make, they’re supposed to go potty.

Yes, it does take more effort than just letting him go in his diapers, but it also means we won’t have to spend a lot of time convincing him to use the toilet when he’s two or three and has a distinct will of his own (not to mention being able to run away). It’s also more hygenic. I never realized how truly disgusting poopy diapers were until we started doing this. When he poops in the potty, we just wipe his butt and go on with our lives. When he poops in his diaper, it goes everywhere. It’s all over his butt, his front, he wiggles around and sticks his feet in it…nasty. In the end, it will save us a lot of time and money. Plus listenng to an 11 week-old baby grunt and strain on the potty is simply hilarious. He certainly gives it his all.